Magical Ineptitude
by Aoitori
Summary: A Counter-Reveal Fic. In which Arthur accuses Merlin of magic, Merlin destroys his favorite neckerchief, and Arthur inadvertently promises to keep Merlin's secret. Yet nobody is OOC? What? Oh just R&R already, I know you're curious! Yoroshiku!


_Disclaimer_: I do not own Merlin, Arthur, Camelot- any of it. And there is much rejoicing!

_Note_: Huh? "Counter-Reveal"? What do you mean by that? Why? Two reasons- 1) to poke fun at reveal fics (I know, I know- there are quite a few good ones, but I always favor pre-reveal Merlin). And 2) because either of our boys taking care of the other always melts my heart just a little bit.

Oh, and for temporal setting... let's see... well, circumstances that should be quite clear to anyone who has seen past 4x03 necessitate that this story take place before that episode.

Last time I tried for a sweet story and it was considerably less appreciated than my funnier ones, so I'm aiming more for the humor side of things once again in this one. Please let me know if it made you laugh! Yoroshiku ne!

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><p><span>Magical Ineptitude (A Counter-Reveal Fic)<span>

"You know, it's almost as if you've got some sort of _magic_, Merlin." Arthur said, masking a wince.

Merlin blinked, face going a shade paler as he gulped down the panic that suddenly threatened to overwhelm him. He had been careful, hadn't he? And Arthur had been distracted. He couldn't possibly have seen...

"What?" he asked, with what he hoped came across as amused incredulity. He didn't look up from bandaging the prince's arm for fear of betraying himself.

"I mean it," Arthur went on in his best royal-prat form. "Your sheer_ ineptitude_ at anything even _remotely_ related to healing is so amazing- nothing short of a magical curse can fully explain it."

Merlin blew a silent but heartfelt sigh of relief before answering, "You know, you could save time by just saying 'That's wrong, Merlin, do it again.' "

"No, no, you see-" Arthur said with an expression that was somewhere between a grimace and a smirk, "that's the sort of thing one would say to someone who's simply made a mistake." He shifted and pointed his free hand accusingly at Merlin, "Your level of incompetence is _worlds_ above basic error. You _live_ with the _court__physician_, for god's sake, and yet you approach the simple task of dressing a wound like a child mopping up a spill at the dinner table."

Merlin let the criticism roll off him, glad at least that his injured master had the strength for verbal sparring.

He lent in to inspect his work, "So its meant to be tighter?" he asked petulantly, and tugged the bandage taut with a swift jerk.

This time Arthur paled and gritted his teeth as the pain from the wound soared to new levels. It wasn't a life threatening injury, provided it was treated properly before infection set in, but it was fairly deep and had bled copiously before they'd had the chance to see to it.

"Sorry Arthur." Merlin said sincerely, putting a steadying hand on his master's shoulder before making to loosen the bandage again.

"No." Arthur said between gritted teeth, waving him off, "tighter is better. Stops the bleeding."

Arthur's good hand hovered over the injury for a moment before he finally relaxed and blew out a slightly shaky breath. He looked at Merlin, who was still sat at his side giving him a concerned stare.

"Honestly, _Mer_lin, you look like you just slaughtered a pig." Arthur said with a laugh that didn't quite reach his eyes.

Merlin looked at his hands and arms and found more of his master's blood on them than seemed physically possible. He tried wiping it off, but it was mostly dried at this point and he succeeded only in further staining his trousers.

Arthur snorted and Merlin scowled in return.

Then Arthur fixed his servant with an expectant stare.

"What?" Merlin asked, completely failing to grasp the intent behind the look he was receiving.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Arthur intoned meaningfully.

Merlin looked Arthur over. There didn't seem to be any further injuries needing attention.

He looked down at himself- he was intact, as far as he was aware.

There was the meager pile of their remaining belongings stacked haphazardly at Arthur's other side...

_The __sword._ Merlin thought and reached across to grab it. It would need wiping down after all the use it had just seen -it would be hell to clean if it started rusting- and Arthur would have a hard time of it with his arm out of commission.

However before Merlin could get his hand on the prize Arthur slapped the hand down and said, "Good thinking, but NO."

He proffered his injured arm again. "How about a _sling_?" he asked pointedly.

"Ah." said Merlin, "Right, a sling," trying without success to give the impression that he had already thought of that while also trying to figure out what on earth he was going to use to make one.

At last he saw that he had no choice- and reluctantly pulled off his neckerchief.

Arthur raised an eyebrow in disbelief, then chuckled.

"What?" Merlin said suspiciously, as he tested its length against Arthur's arm and found it woefully insufficient.

"I'll have 20 marks off of Gwain," the prince said with a satisfied smile.

"Oh?" Merlin said flatly. He couldn't fathom what Arthur was on about, but he was fairly sure he was about to be the butt of it.

That and he was moments away from having to rip his favorite neckerchief in half.

Arthur continued, "He was sure you were hiding some sort of disfiguring birthmark under there," he grinned quite prattishly, "I held that all you were hiding was your scrawny chicken-neck."

"How generous of you" Merlin replied with a grimace. Then, closing his eyes at the injustice, he tore the precious wedge of cloth in two.

"No, not really." Arthur reflected, having apparently missed his friend's sarcasm entirely, "I just know you're rubbish at keeping secrets." He concluded brightly.

"So they tell me," Merlin grumped, figuring out how best to tie the two pieces together for maximum length.

"Let's try this," he said, when he'd managed to piece them together.

The resulting "sling" left Arthur's arm cradled in his lap with no extra support whatsoever and Merlin sat back frowning at his mistake while Arthur's look of disgusted disbelief was priceless.

"A magical curse of medical ineptitude," the prince said, when he finally found his voice again, ''It's the only explanation." He nodded at his own conclusion.

"You know..." Merlin said, frustration at his struggles evident in his voice as he worked to re-tie the sling. "You should be careful saying things like that."

Arthur arced an eyebrow and Merlin looked down at him after finishing the knot and said meaningfully-"At your word I could be accused and executed for magic. And then where would you be?"

Arthur scowled dismissively, "I'd be wearing a better sling for starters."

Merlin sat back and looked down, clearly unhappy at not being taken seriously.

"Honestly, Merlin, not even my father would take that kind of accusation serious..."

Before he finished speaking one of the knots in the sling popped undone and his arm fell into his lap with a chink of chainmaille. He blinked and looked up to see Merlin looking genuinely horrified.

"On second thought," he finally growled, "Not. A. Word."


End file.
